I took off my sandal placed in a basket and handed over to the old man. He was dark-skinned, grumpy and sad. Washed my leg and sprinkle water over my head. My other half was finishing too. The vendor handed the extra heavy garland to me while I was holding 3bags. Bright yellow, red flowers. Beautiful and fresh. We went inside and bought the archanai chit. The temple was not full. The pungent smell of incense and burning camphor filled my nostril. My other half was busy praying and doing his rounds. I stood still holding the garland with both of my hands. He came close and place his hand on the garland. It was all new for me, being inside the temple with him. Almost hypocritical. We prayed. He was talking to his friend. I waited a while. It was very hot inside. We walked to the restaurant next door and sat there for the next 3hours. Talking cock and bull. Laughing and smirking, and smoking. He had rice meal and me thosai. Several empty tea glasses stood still on the table. the smoke created a thick haze on top of our table. but here was here and i was happy. got into the bus. almost empty. called him on my happy line. talked until the credit ran out. i was cold, alone and scared. almost empty in me. i tried to recuperate. put some sense in to it. But it was difficult. I just let it amplify inside. I felt the pain. the pain of departing,. the pain of separation. the pain of not sealing the kiss. i felt the pain deeper. tear drop on my cheek. slowly feeling the warmness. i closed my eyes and bite my lips. i wanted to stop the bus and get off at sg besi. but i couldn’t. maybe i should have. Is it him. Is it i’ve stayed home too long. All the non-working nite have made me lazy and amibition-less. bemused and out of focus. what is acheivement? where is my confidence? where is my love. with that in my mind the bus cruised to the city of lion.
I remember the kiss on the platform. the secret kiss, away from the public eyes.