The Cheating Game #musings

If you Googled cheating spouse in Singapore you will get a list of PI companies offering services to catch your other half under a sheet with another person complete with evidence and all. Interesting!!A small chat with a group of my married female friends shed more light in this area. Don’t get me wrong both gender cheat, but I find talking to the woman folks much more intriguing. I usually get more juicy details out of them.  “I don’t trust him, even when I am with him” said this 45 years PR manager. They’ve been married for many years and have two kids. I asked her why would she say or think that. “All men cheat” came the reply. Is it true! I am a man. Have a I cheated? of course I have, but I had my reasons. LOL. I better stop my revelations here first. It’s like an unspoken truth, that secretly all woman share and strongly believe in.

I still don’t understand why? According to the Oprah show one in 2.7 men cheat and most wife never know about it at all. Well I’m sure there is a lot of reason why people cheat but where do we draw the line. So if there is a reason can we justify it, will be my next question. I did meet ONE woman who said her husband never cheated on her, he must be the 1.7 men Oprah is talking about. Most of us (including me) will think people cheat because of SEX, but that’s not true. Over 92 percent of men said the primary reason why the leap our their own bed is because of feeling under-appreciated and disconnection in the relationship. But who do we blame? Maybe not the wife alone. There are two people in the equation of marriage (or relationship). If one person is straying away it’s a clear reflection of the relationship. Every problem has a solution. We really need to look deep to find out . Insecurity is another issue, we might think the ego-filled man species could handle anything but deep down he is just an emotional being just like us.

 

Now let’s move to the same-sex couple. Its a believe (some people have done research on this) the success rate of an open relationship surpasses the monogamous one. Here it’s not call cheating, but mutually agreeing to a set of rules to follow when you sleep around. Some couples have drawn it out on paper and stick it on the fridge. No kissing on the lips, no exchange of phone nos, not the same person again and the list goes one. I once met a dutch couple who are in a three way relationship. Three of them love each other very much and it shows when I met them in a dinner party. It was very surreal. We would think it’s already feels like hell with just one person, how about another one? I asked them why and how? It’s was peculiarly Asian of me, because from where I come from it’s till death do us part is based on only two people. The cheerful relationship started with just 2 first then they met the third person and naturally fell in love and of course three of them are super comfortable with each other. “Communications is an important key” said the middle one, cutest among the three. I asked is their relationship closed, NO came the reply. I was scared to go on. This only proves that if two (or more) people wants a relationship to work then  communications are paramount. Face the difference, after all it’s the flaws in people that make life more interesting.  Maybe the dutch couple is the future of human relationship.

 

Credit – http://seoyourblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/CheatingCouple-1.jpg

Coming back to (gay) open-relationship. For me the mere thought of my other half being intimate with another person gives me creeps. I have done it once and will never walk that road again. I am more conservative and believe that a relationship should be based on only two person and not three or an infinite no. Love will conquer all, I believe shamelessly. At the end of the day, we are all each individual driven by different emotions and sometimes overactive hormones. There is nothing right or wrong about cheating. If you have said the vow “I do” then your other half deserves to know why you are drifting away. It’s better not to push your insecurity down another person. If your marriage or relationship is not working, firstly acknowledge it then try to find a solution, if any. Sometimes we all come to a dead end or point of no return or irreconcilable situations. Face it and get out. Don’t let the other person stay at home wondering while you get on a ferry to Batam. My experiences have taught me not all relationships meant to work, else we would be living in an Utopian-style world. Relationships breaks people but it’s better to go your own way, rather then cheating and hurting yourself and the other.

 

Love is great, unfortunately it’s just not enough to run a relationship. Two people coming together as one is a big step and it take lots of work. Don’t resort to cheating as a easy way out, because in the long run someone going to get hurt and you may have lost the person you once fell in love and promise to take good care.

 

 

 

All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.

~ Scott Alexander

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